I guess Ne-Yo loves me now.
About 7 months have elapsed since my big move to the bigger city. Having to move and live independently really forces you to grow up quickly. I went in kicking and screaming - terrified of being alone - but I came out a more self-assured person than the girl who hopped on that Greyhound bus to start her first shift.
Fears had to be relinquished, and a huge part of my dependency on others was due to my crippling fear of driving. Although the transit system here is a more improved version of that in Edmonton, it can still take a long time to commute to places. When I did get a car, I was scared of having to deal with aggressive drivers. I was scared of driving on the highway to visit my family back home. But drivers here I'd say are more assertive than aggressive, and you just have to learn to be assertive yourself. As for solo highway driving isn't so bad so long as you have snacks, loud music for car karaoke, and the occasional face-slapping to stay alert. I feel like I still don't live far away enough given that I generally travel back and forth on a bi-monthly basis.
Then there was the issue with emotional dependency. That severely disintegrated my relationship, which is why I no longer believe in the concept of the “other half” and placing the burden on someone to be the reason for your happiness. Although it took me months to reconcile with myself, I enjoy operating on my own schedule and treating myself without having to feel guilty. I’ve become a little braver, a little more daring, and better able to handle rejection.
It has also been an opportunity for me to dedicate more of my time in the things that interest me such as snapping style shots and sewing up a storm. I can define myself by my interests and passions rather than something like a relationship status. (I won’t deny I obsessed over that for some time.) Not to mention I’ve been blessed to have a growing list of couture clients, so I can continue to build my portfolio!
Although it’s kind of crummy at the start, but I think living independently is an important component in one's tumultuous life journey. If there’s anyone to prove it’s yourself. I learned that I was more capable than I gave myself credit for, and I was able to reconcile with the things that haunted me for years. I am proud of what I've been able to accomplish over these past several months, and I'm grateful for the blessings I received from others.