Tuesday, 12 January 2016

Tuesday Thoughts: Reflections & Resolutions

2015 was a year of major overhaul. There were some bold changes in my life both awful and exciting. It tested me intensely as I wanted to have my life figured out, to continually progress, and not be in a state of prolonged stagnation.

But that wasn't written in my books.

1.5 years post-graduation was spent job-searching with almost 40 applications sent resulting in 5 interviews. Hope was strained and the desire to continue searching was dwindling fast. The icing on the cake was having to terminate a four-year relationship of which I thought marriage was to be the natural course of action. But alas, it was not so!

Those were the nasty challenges that left me rather... bamboozled.

It has been a couple months since I've moved to a new city for work - and even one in my field thanks to the kind recommendations from my professors. When I tell people I've moved here for work, they express their surprise that I can even find a job in this sordid economy.

Along with that, I've had to find a place to live, budget my expenses so as to be able to make the rent and pay the bills and student loans, navigate the city, and apparently learn how to exit a bus. The back door requires that you manually open it unlike the ones in Edmonton. So I stood there, looking like an utter fool, asking the bus driver three times to open the back door. A swarm of people were filing in, and I ended up shuffling upstream to get out. It was a stupid incident, but I learned from it at the cost of a slightly bruised pride. Nevertheless, I've been yearning to move to a new city, and I have family and new friends for support here. I also can now decorate my space however I want, and trust me, it will be bloody colourful.

I've also been challenged to be content with being on my own. I suppose I've been known for moving on from one relationship to another without giving myself enough time to heal from the previous one. It has been months since, and this has made me come to terms with the fact that there were other relationships I should have strengthened, to really find out about who I am for myself and not what someone claims me to be, and to reassess what's truly important to me. I should also take my sister's advice and allot the time I would have spent lamenting and learn a new skill instead. That would probably be cooking. I'm no where near as crafted as my mom.

As such, this year's resolution involves me to be more vigilant with establishing boundaries in order to preserve my mental health. So here's to a year of being myself, being okay by myself, and improving on my cooking skills!

xo Ann

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